


Experiment

by elirwen



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic, Magic Suppression, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-22
Updated: 2014-02-22
Packaged: 2018-01-13 10:49:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1223512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elirwen/pseuds/elirwen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Uther's death, Arthur visits one of the facilities run by the company he inherited, a mental health institution specilized in research and care for magic users.</p><p>He meets Merlin, a research subject for a study about long time solitude and its effect on human psychology, and finds out there's something very wrong with the facility.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Experiment

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mermie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mermie/gifts).



> Not beta'd. If you spot any mistakes, feel free to let me know. Thanks. :)

“Who is he?” Arthur asks.

“Sir, you really shouldn’t concern yourself with daily running of our facility,” says Dr. Aredian.

“I can very well choose what to do with my time and right now I want to know everything about this place,” Arthur says, not turning his eyes away from the window leading to a small room occupied by a single man who’s currently sitting at a table, drawing something into a sketchbook, look of concentration on his face.

“As I already told you, we’re psychiatric sanatorium and research facility, specializing in magic users. All of our patients and research subjects are here of their own free will, are well taken care of and never come to any harm.”

“Is he a patient or a research subject?”

“That’s confidential. We need to continue to stay on your busy schedule,” Aredian says and tries to steer Arthur away from the window.

“I’ll clear the rest of my afternoon if it’s necessary. And I don’t want any confidential data, I just want to know if he’s a patient or a research subject.”

They stare at each other wordlessly for a few seconds. Arthur is used to glaring contests, growing up with his father and Morgana taught him to never back down which is proving very useful these days. Only a few weeks after his father’s death, he feels like a weight of the world is resting on his shoulders and there are times he thinks he’s only seconds from crumbling under it all. 

He never realized how many secrets his father had kept, how many estates across the country he owned. He barely had any time to grief before he was swept into a whirlwind of meetings and visits and legal talks.

But after three weeks of it all, this facility is the first to break the pattern. First of all, they weren’t too eager to invite him in and they are almost hostile in their confidentiality. No matter what people might think about him, Arthur isn’t just a spoiled rich kid. He knows when someone is hiding the truth from him and he can’t stand it.

“He’s one of our research subjects,” Aredian says through gritted teeth and Arthur rewards him with a formal smile.

“I’m sure you can tell me a bit about it,” he says, turning back to look at the man behind the window. 

He’s no longer drawing, just staring into space, sadness in his eyes.

“We’re experimenting with long time solitude and its effect on human psychology,” Aredian says. “The room has adjacent bathroom and we bring him his meal three times a day. He can spend his time like he wants to and he can ask for things by writing them down, but he hasn’t been in physical or any other contact with anyone since the start of the experiment, except for his monthly check-ups.”

“How long?” Arthur asks, fearing the answer as he watches the man stand up tiredly, his clothes hanging on his thin frame, and curl around a pillow on the bed. 

“I would have to look into his chart to give you an exact answer, but I think it’s been a bit over a year,” Aredian says.

Arthur feels sick and he doesn’t speak in fear of saying something he’d regret later. He’s already planning to look for the man’s file. He needs to find out why would anyone decide to go through something like this. The man has to be suffering. It’s clearly visible in the tense line of his body, in the sad look on his face.

“Sir?” Aredian asks after a while and Arthur forces himself to turn away from the sight of tears leaking from the corners of the man’s eyes. 

“Lead the way,” Arthur says and follows the doctor into another part of the facility.

 

~x~

 

He puts his private eye on the case.

Gwaine’s back with results in three days, probably his record, but it’s true Arthur never really told him to hurry before.

“I know that we should speak only good about dead, but your father was a scumbag,” Gwaine says instead of greeting. 

It answers all Arthur’s suspicions about his father’s involvement with the clinic.

“What have you found?” Arthur asks, pouring them both a generous amount of whiskey.

“The man you described to me is Merlin Emrys. He used to work for Pendragon Industries as IT specialist. He was let go because of the decrease of funding for the department he worked in but was immediately offered the research subject position.”

Arthur sits down in his chair. He’s fairly certain there was no decrease of funding, only Uther’s hate of magic users. So many times he had to listen to him rant about how all the sorcerers should be locked in special facilities with their powers inaccessible to them. Danger to society, he called them. In the end, he created his dream facility, probably bending a few laws in the process. 

“He refused at first, but after two month he accepted and signed the contract,” Gwaine says. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the contract. I checked with Leon. He’s allowed to end the experiment before the researchers do. Officially.”

“I tried to find out more about the facility and it seems that all the test subjects used to work for Pendragon Institute before being offered the spot, but almost none of them agreed immediately. So I did some more digging and I found Emrys’s mother. A week before Emrys accepted, someone broke into her place. Nothing was stolen,” Gwaine says.

He pauses for effect and to take a sip of his whiskey. Well, it’s more of a gulp in his case.

“Extortion then,” Arthur says.

He really hoped to be wrong about all this, but he’s suspected from the beginning. 

“What about the patients?” Arthur asks. “Are they really there because of mental problems?”

“I’m not sure,” Gwaine says. “I did what I could, but three days is a short time. I’ll continue searching, but this is big.”

“I know,” Arthur says and takes a deep breath. “I’ve got a lot of work to do.”

 

~x~

 

A week later, Arthur is standing in front of the window to Merlin’s room, keys dangling from his fingers. He already started to change the facility, cancelling the research and hiring new psychiatrists and therapists who would help current residents return to normal life. Previous staff was let go with generous compensation to avoid unnecessary lawsuits. 

He consulted Merlin’s situation with a therapist who would be taking care of Merlin’s progress from now on, but for some reason he wants to be the one to lead him back to life outside this prison.

Merlin is sitting on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Arthur checks himself over once more. Blue jumper and jeans because blue is a calming colour, no sharp objects that might hurt Merlin if he reacted badly to Arthur’s presence. He’s ready to go in.

He opens the door and enters, closing it behind him carefully. When he turns back around, Merlin is staring at him.

“Hi,” Arthur says, not moving. 

Merlin is speechless for a moment, his brow furrowing in confusion. 

“Has it been month already?”

“No, I’m not here to take you for a check-up,” Arthur says and takes a few steps forward. 

“You’re new here,” Merlin says. 

“The experiment is over. You can go home after a short evaluation period.”

There would be no evaluation period, but the therapist suggested it as a good way of giving Merlin time to get used to social contact.

“Nice try, but you’ve already tried that one.”

“What?”

“Two month ago, I think. I’m not falling for it this time,” Merlin says, leaning his head against a wall and closing his eyes.

Arthur wants to hit something. He thought he had enough time to handle the anger, but new pieces of information just keep feeding the flames.

“I’m not lying,” he says after a moment, his voice miraculously calm. “Uther Pendragon is dead and the facility is changing under the new management.”

“Anyone could say that,” Merlin says, not bothering to look at Arthur.

“I’m not anyone.”

“Whatever. I still don’t believe you.”

Arthur takes a deep breath, trying to think of something to say.

“Just go. Tell your superiors I didn’t fall for their cunning plan.”

“Enough,” Arthur says, grabbing Merlin by the arm and dragging him off the bed. “We’re going for a walk.”

“Ouch, stop it, you brute,” Merlin shouts.

“I guess I should have let Freya handle you after all. I’m not that good with caring and understanding.”

“Let go!”

“No. You wanted proof, I’ll give you proof.”

He drags Merlin towards the door and into the hallway, completely ignoring Merlin’s complaints. When they get to the stairs leading up onto the ground floor, Merlin sits down and refuses to move further.

“Really, Merlin? You think that’s going to stop me?”

Before Merlin can react, Arthur hauls him over his shoulder into the fireman’s carry. Merlin goes very still and silent. He isn’t fighting Arthur anymore, not even grumbling under his breath. Only after a whole flight of stairs Arthur realizes that it must be the closest physical contact Merlin has had in months. 

He sets Merlin down the moment they leave the building and enter the surrounding gardens. He looks dazed and sways towards Arthur a bit before Arthur puts steadying hands onto his shoulders. 

“Okay?” Arthur asks and Merlin blinks, looking around for a few moments before nodding.

“You’re still a caveman,” he grumbles.

“If it were so, I’d drag you inside the cave, not out of it,” Arthur says with a grin and lets go of Merlin’s shoulders.

Merlin turns around and takes a few hesitant steps towards the lawn, stopping right at the side of the path.

“Go on. Trampling the grass is allowed here.”

“Prat,” Merlin says, but starts walking and flops onto his back on a sunlit spot in the middle of the lawn. 

“Mind if I join you?” Arthur shouts at him, still standing on the path.

He can’t stop the small smile as he watches Merlin burying his fingers in the grass, his fingers playing with grass-blades. 

“There’s plenty of space, even for you,” Merlin shouts back.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Arthur asks, already moving towards him.

“Nothing,” Merlin says, blatantly checking Arthur over. “Actually, you’ll fit rather nicely.”

There was nothing about Merlin’s sexuality in the file, so Arthur can’t be sure, but he’d bet Merlin is at least bi if not gay. His gaze flicks to Merlin’s groin when he thinks about the long months of solitude and how sexually frustrated Merlin must feel, but he averts his eyes a second later, realizing he’s acting like a total creep.

He sits down beside Merlin, not wanting to stain his light blue jumper, and lets Merlin enjoy his freedom.

 

~x~ 

 

“This doesn’t really prove anything. You could still lock me up again later,” Merlin says, looking up at Arthur.

“You worked in IT, so you know how to use a tablet, don’t you?” Arthur says. “I don’t have one with me right now, but I’ll get it later and you can read the news.”

“Promises, promises,” Merlin mumbles.

He starts playing with one of the wristbands, mindlessly tugging at it and caressing its smooth surface.

“How does it feel?” Arthur asks.

“What?”

“To have them on. Does it hurt?”

“No,” Merlin says with a shake of his head. “It’s like… it’s hard to describe to someone without magic.” He pauses, looking up at the sky. “Imagine the world losing its bright colours. Everything is vague, a bit unfocussed around the edges. And there’s always something missing, like a hole in your chest, cold and so empty.” 

Arthur swallows heavily. He remembers feeling that way, depressed, overworked, under too much pressure, trying to keep up with his father’s expectations. He’s free now and he wants nothing more than to give Merlin back his own ability to breathe freely, enjoy life with all his senses.

“We’ll take the bindings off tomorrow.”

“Yeah, sure, always later, never now,” Merlin says with a forced grin.

“Freya wanted to make sure you’re stable enough to handle it. We’d like to avoid unnecessary accidents.”

Merlin doesn’t react to that and they fall back into companionable silence. The shadows grow longer and temperature drops. Arthur knows Merlin is trying to suppress his shivering, but last thing he wants is for Merlin to catch cold on his first day out after so long.

“Come on, let’s get you inside. It’s getting cold.”

“I’m fine.” 

“No, you’re not,” Arthur says and stands up, offering Merlin a hand.

He doesn’t accept it, taking his time to get to his feet.

“You’re going to drag me away caveman style again if I don’t listen to you, aren’t you?”

“I could carry you bridal style if you prefer.”

Merlin sighs, but Arthur notices the small smile on his lips even when Merlin is trying to hide it from him.

“Lead the way then,” he says. 

Snail pace would be too fast in comparison to Merlin’s right now, but Arthur doesn’t blame him for it. Once they reach the door, Merlin stops and looks back once more as if trying to remember as much as possible.

“You’ll go out again soon. Trust me, please,” Arthur says and gently pulls at Merlin’s hand that has been holding the door from closing.

 

~x~

 

They meet a few nurses along their way. Arthur is leading them back to Merlin’s room the long way. Merlin studies each one of the nurses, looking more and more confused.

“Something wrong?” Arthur asks.

“I have never seen any of them. And I’ve seen at least ten different nurses during my check-ups.”

“I’ve told you, things are different. We hired new staff.”

“You keep saying we. Who are ‘we’?”

“The heir of Pendragon Industries and his team,” Arthur says. 

He doesn’t think it’s a good idea to reveal himself as Uther’s son just yet.

“It doesn’t make any sense.”

“I’ll explain everything later. There’s just too much and we want to be sure you can handle it.”

“I can bloody well handle it,” Merlin shouts. “I’m not some delicate flower. I want to know what’s going on!”

Merlin’s outburst attracts attention of medical staff, nurses obviously waiting for a signal to give Merlin a dose of sedatives.

“Merlin,” Arthur says, hoping the tone of his voice will convey the right meaning.

Merlin deflates and follows Arthur back towards his room. They come in just in time for Merlin’s dinner to be brought in and even after spending almost two hours with Merlin, Arthur doesn’t want to leave just yet, so he asks the nurse to bring him a serving too. And another chair. She nods and scurries off with a smile.

 

~x~

 

They talk some more while eating. About light stuff, movies mostly. It’s easy to get lost in conversation with Merlin, it almost feels like he’s known him for years.

“It’s late,” Arthur says and is about to stand up and say his goodbye when Merlin catches hold of his wrist.

“Don’t go yet,” Merlin says, eyes filled with anxiety.

“I’ll come back tomorrow,” Arthur says, trying to sound reassuring.

Merlin tightens his grip.

“Okay, just a bit longer.”

Merlin visibly relaxes, but keeps his hand on Arthur’s.

 

~x~

 

They don’t talk much, each lost in their own thoughts. Merlin is fidgeting, biting his lip, clenching and unclenching his fist. His eyes flutter shut sometimes, only for him to open them wide again with a start a second or two later. He’s holding onto consciousness desperately, doing everything he can to stop sleep from overtaking him.

“Come on, let’s sit on the bed,” Arthur says, twining their fingers together and pulling Merlin up from the chair, and leads him to sit on the mattress.

They lean against the wall and Arthur drapes a blanket over their legs. He starts talking about the book he’s been reading, keeping his voice low and calm. 

It doesn’t take long after that for Merlin to fall asleep, his chin resting on his chest, breathing even. Arthur climbs off the bed and lies Merlin down, holding his breath in fear of waking him up. Merlin’s eyes blink open a few times but exhaustion wins and he settles once again, pulling the blanket Arthur covered him with tighter around himself. 

Arthur tamps down the sudden urge to kiss Merlin’s brow, instead he turns off the lamp, only a small nightlight filling the room with soft orange glow. He walks out of the room, once again checking through window that Merlin Is sleeping, and heads out of the building.

He stops by his car, leaning on the door, breathing in the slightly chilly evening air. 

He feels responsible for his father’s actions and wants to help set things right. That’s the excuse. But he very well knows it’s nothing but an excuse. He’s been intrigued by Merlin since the moment he first saw the man. He wants to get to know him, to see him return into normal life. He’s so selfish.

He should walk away now and let Freya handle it, but that could hurt Merlin. He promised he’d be back. He can’t be just another one in the line of disappointments. 

 

~x~

 

It’s too early for being up on Saturday morning. If it were any other week, he’d still be in his bed. But it’s not any other week and so he’s standing in front of Merlin’s room at 8 a.m., waiting for Freya to arrive. Merlin’s already up, pacing around the room restlessly, and it’s hard to resist the urge to go in right now and see the worry on Merlin’s face be replaced by a smile.

Freya arrives a few minutes late with a hasty apology about it and together they go over the plan for the day once more.

“The warded room is ready for us, so when I’m done talking to him, we’ll head there. He’ll choose which one of us will take the bindings off. Nobody else will be in the room with him. He might fall into shock anytime after we remove them. Panic attacks, fainting, vomiting or other reactions were reported in past. It’s very unlikely he’ll handle it completely without trouble, so you need to be ready for it. The last thing we need today is two people freaking out at the same time,” Freya finishes her speech and Arthur nods.

“Let’s go in,” she says.

 

~x~

 

Entering the room, Arthur barely manages to say hi before getting his breath knocked out of him as Merlin launches himself at him, hugging him like his life depends on it. 

“You’re really back,” Merlin says and holds on even tighter.

Arthur tries to hug back, but Merlin’s grip only allows him to put his hands on his sides and relax into the embrace. He can see Freya walk around them and scribble something into her notebook. 

Merlin pulls away after a while, using a sleeve of his shirt to quickly wipe his tears. He looks up at Arthur with a smile.

“Let me introduce you to Freya,” Arthur says, motioning towards her. “She’s one of the new therapists here and she’ll do everything to help you in whatever way you might need.”

The two of them shake hands, Merlin’s smile a little wary. 

“I’d like to talk to you a bit before we proceed with taking off the bindings,” Freya says, sitting down on a chair and nodding for Merlin to do the same. 

“I’ll be just outside if you need me,” Arthur says and slips out of the room.

 

~x~

 

He manages to reply to some of the emails piled up in his inbox and read a few reports that are marked as highly important before Freya joins him in the hallway.

“How did it go?” Arthur asks.

“That’s between me and Merlin,” she says and Arthur nods, instantly knowing he made a good decision by hiring her. “He’s ready to get rid of the bindings and he wants you to do it.”

“Okay,” Arthur says and takes a deep breath. “Let’s get it over with.”

 

~x~

 

“This isn’t very comforting,” Merlin says when they enter the padded room.

“Freya told you about the side effects, didn’t she?” Merlin nods. “It’s safer this way, for both of us. And it’s easier to attach the wards to cloth. You won’t be as exposed as you’d be without them.”

Merlin lies down on the bed in the corner, tense with nervousness and anticipation. 

“The light, please,” Arthur calls out and the bright white dims to twilight. “Ready?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Merlin breathes out.

Arthur inserts the first key into the tiny lock, turning it twice and the bracelet opens and falls off Merlin’s wrist. Merlin gasps, yanks his freshly freed hand from Arthur’s gentle hold and clutches it to his chest, curling on his side. He’s letting out small pained exhales, trembling all over.

“I need to take off the other one,” Arthur says, knowing that prolonging the process won’t make it any easier.

He doubts Merlin is fully aware of what Arthur is saying, if at all, so he just grips his wrist hard, murmuring apologies under his breath, and does his best to quickly unlock the bracelet. When it finally opens, Merlin cries out, his body convulsing so hard he nearly falls off the bed.

“Merlin, look at me,” Arthur says. 

Another set of cramps runs through Merlin’s body. Arthur pins his shoulders to bed. He’s about to call Merlin’s name again when he goes lightheaded, his limbs growing numb. And then he’s slumping to the side, consciousness leaving him.

 

~x~

 

It’s a weird dream, too loud. 

“No, no, no,” the voice is repeating over and over again and he can feel hands on his face, his neck, his chest.

It feels rather real. As does the headache.

“Help! Someone, help, please!” the voice shouts and Arthur frowns, blinking his eyes open.

It all comes back, piece by piece. Merlin’s name, the situation they’re in, the feeling when he was losing consciousness. 

“Thank god,” Merlin says, dropping his head on Arthur’s chest. 

Someone else is kneeling next to him, taking hold of his wrist. Freya, he realizes when she leans in to look him in the eyes.

“What’s your name?” she asks and Arthur frowns at her. “Just answer the question.”

“Arthur,” he says.

“Where do you live?”

“In London.”

She nods, obviously satisfied with the answer.

“Merlin, can you look at me?” she asks.

Merlin doesn’t even move. She touches his shoulder, but still nothing. Arthur tries to sit up and regrets it immediately as his headache intensifies. He lays his head back down and closes his eyes. Freya is still attempting to get a reaction from Merlin, but to no avail.

Arthur’s head begins to clear once more, but he’s not going to make any hasty moves this time. Instead he lays his hand on Merlin’s shoulder, shifts it to gently caress his nape.

“I know people tend to become speechless around me, but you could say at least a word.”

“Prat,” Merlin mutters, but still doesn’t move.

“Are you hurt?” Arthur asks.

“I hurt you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I’m fine. How do you feel?”

“Whole. Almost.”

 

~x~

 

Over an hour later, Arthur’s headache becomes bearable, so he can finally sit up. Merlin spent most of the time answering Freya’s questions and repeating how sorry he was about knocking Arthur out. He didn’t mean to latch onto Arthur, but after so long time wearing the bindings, he wasn’t able to control himself in those few seconds of his magic’s painful return. 

“Are you ready to go out?” Freya asks and Merlin nods, standing up and then helping Arthur to his feet. 

He looks more than little nervous and Arthur doesn’t blame him. On the contrary, he thinks Merlin’s taking it all very well. 

Freya nods at the nurse waiting behind the door and she opens it for them. Merlin doesn’t waste any time and walks out, but it takes only five steps before his knees buckle under him.

“I’m fine,” he says, fighting to calm down his breathing. “I need a minute.” 

Arthur’s by his side the next moment, just in time to catch Merlin’s limp form before it can hit the floor. 

 

~x~

 

Before, Arthur didn’t understand Edward’s hobby of watching Bella sleep. It seemed creepy and weird. Looking at Merlin’s peaceful expression, his long lashes fluttering from time to time, his lips slightly parted, he thinks he finally gets it. The blanket slips to the side as Merlin shifts in his sleep, revealing a sliver of skin above the waistband of his trousers where his shirt rode up. 

“I am so fucked,” Arthur mutters to himself, forcefully tearing his eyes away from the tantalizing image in front of him.

There’s no denying his attraction and strong protective feelings towards Merlin. It’s not something he chose, it happened when he least expected it. He doesn’t even believe in love at first sight, but it seems you don’t need to believe to experience one.

Maybe if it wasn’t so long since his last relationship, he’d be able to keep his head a bit clearer. But thinking about a possibility of dating someone just for the sake of dating reminds Arthur too much of his and Elena’s arrangement that he kept alive for long months to please his father, and he plans never to repeat anything even remotely similar to that. It doesn’t do any good for either party involved. 

He turns back to Merlin who managed to kick off most of his blanket while Arthur wasn’t looking. Arthur doesn’t even try to keep the fond smile off his face and moves towards Merlin, pulling the cover back in place before sitting on the side of the bed. 

Would it be wrong if he touched Merlin’s cheek now? Caressed his hair? Or maybe held Merlin’s hand? Would it be taking advantage or would it be offering comfort? Is he a bad person for wanting these things? He should wait, give Merlin time to adjust to being a free man. Only then he should ask Merlin out. But what if he says no? Will he regret not touching Merlin when he had the chance? It’s not like he wants to rape him or hurt him in any other way. 

His hand is hovering above Merlin’s open palm, but then he pulls it back. ‘He doesn’t even know who you really are,’ his mind is supplying. ‘He’d want to be as far away as possible from you if he knew your full name.’ 

“What happened?” Merlin asks, his voice heavy with sleep. 

So lost in his own thoughts, Arthur didn’t notice Merlin waking up.

“You fainted like a girl,” he says with a smile, trying to hide his inner struggle behind casual joke.

“Oh, you’re still a prat then. Good to know.”

He slowly sits up, looking around the room. He’s touching his wrists, undoubtedly making sure there’s nothing there. There’s a click and a sudden gust of wind makes Arthur jump. He stares at the open window, his heart racing.

“Sorry, should have warned you,” Merlin says, biting his lip. 

Arthur’s gaze jumps from the window to Merlin and back again before he finally gets it, a quiet “oh” escaping his lips. Merlin’s smile is wide now, his eyes sparkling with it the way Arthur hasn’t had the chance to see yet. It’s breathtaking. 

‘I am so fucked,’ his mind supplies.

 

~x~

 

“Keep it together,” Arthur mutters to himself before knocking on the door of Merlin’s new room. 

“Come in,” Merlin calls out. 

Merlin’s busy unpacking his belongings. It’s just three boxes of his stuff that nurses packed for him, so he wouldn’t have to go back to the room that’s linked mostly to bad memories. 

“I’m almost done,” Merlin says, flashing Arthur a smile. 

It does nothing to help Arthur’s nerves.

“I brought you a tablet. It has wi-fi, so you can catch up on the news.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“I promised, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but I don’t really need any further proof.”

“Seriously, year and a half without Internet and you’re arguing with me when I bring you a tablet?”

“Okay, just give it to me then,” Merlin says with a chuckle and takes the device from Arthur’s hand.

“There’s one more thing. I haven’t been completely honest with you before. Well, more like I haven’t told you everything,” Arthur says, releasing a shaky breath. “My full name is Arthur Pendragon.”

“Yes, and?” Merlin asks.

“I’m Uther’s son, the head of Pendragon Industries,” Arthur continues, his heart beating so wild he’s afraid it might burst out of his chest any moment.

Merlin just looks at him for a moment, not angry, not even surprised, more like confused, and then he seems to come to some conclusion, nodding to himself with a small grin tugging at a corner of his lip.

“Really, Arthur? I’m an openly gay man and you’re one of the Britain’s most eligible bachelors. Do the math.”

“But?” Arthur takes a step back, leaning on the door. “I thought…”

“Why do you think I didn’t trust you so much? A Pendragon marching into my room and telling me it’s over? After everything I’d been through? Of course I didn’t trust a single word you said.”

Arthur can do nothing but gape. He’s not that famous, or is he?

“I thought I dreamed that first day, you know? So when you came back, it was really great. And then my magic felt you up after you took off the bindings.”

“Felt me up?” Arthur asks, uncomprehending.

“It wasn’t intentional. I was in pain and exhausted, so it took some of your energy and touched your mind in the process. I could feel you really wanted to help, it felt all warm and fuzzy.”

“Warm and fuzzy,” Arthur repeats, leaning even heavier on the door. 

“Maybe you should sit down,” Merlin offers. 

“You really don’t care?” Arthur asks, watching Merlin put an empty box from the armchair to the ground.

“About what?”

“That I’m a Pendragon. It was my father who forced you to sign the contract. I thought you’d hate me.”

“I really hated Uther the first few months I’ve been here. I made out so many different scenarios in which he’d suffer. There were even punishments that involved you because you were his weak spot. I got really inventive sometimes,” Merlin trails off, blush spreading over his cheeks, and sits down on the bed.

Arthur has a feeling he’ll spent quite some time in shower or bed imagining what punishments Merlin might have thought up for him. Silence stretches between them. 

“You said the first few months. Why not later?” Arthur asks eventually.

“What for? It was either hate, self-pity or staring at the wall back then. Even the stories I wrote or pictures I draw were depressing, full of death and destruction. I realized I was changing into a person I never wanted to be. And I knew I could be locked in that room for long years, maybe even my whole life and what sort of life would it be if all I thought about was that? I decided I wouldn’t let them have the satisfaction of seeing me completely broken.”

“I promise you’ll be compensated for everything. You’ll get your full salary for all the time you spent here, plus a bonus. Your position is still available if you want to come back. But I understand if you don’t and you’ll get only the best recommendations.”

“Ok, that’s enough,” Merlin says, grabs his hand and pulls him from the door. “Sit!”

Arthur does and braces for what’s to come. He doubts it could be any good. 

“I want to ask you one simple question.” He pauses, locking eyes with Arthur. “Did you know what your father was doing?”

“No. I had no idea. They didn’t even tell me after…”

Merlin presses a finger to Arthur’s lips to silence him.

“What would you do if you knew?”

“That’s second question,” Arthur says, looking anywhere but in Merlin’s eyes. 

Silence stretches, neither of them moving. Even though Merlin’s only slightly leaning over him Arthur feels crowded, like there’s something else there with them. He briefly wonders if Merlin’s using his magic on him, to watch him more closely, to notice his body’s reactions. Is it possible for him to read Arthur’s thoughts? He looks up into Merlin’s eyes, expecting to find them swirling with gold, but they’re still the same blue he’s wanted to get lost in before.

“I don’t know,” he says and he really doesn’t. 

He used to obey every single one of his father’s commands, no questions asked. Having almost no free time, working hard to become the perfect son, pretending to be different than he really was, it used to be his life for so long, he’s not sure if he’d be able to stand up to his father and make him see how much wrong he’s done.

Nothing he’d say would have effect on his father’s decisions and he would have to bring law into it, to testify against his father. He’d like to say he’d do what’s right, no matter the circumstances, but there’s a big chance he wouldn’t. He’s not proud to admit that, even to himself, but it’s the truth. He’d talk to Uther, try to change his attitude towards the subject, but probably nothing more.

“Why are you even here?” Merlin asks, curious.

“I’m cleaning my father’s mess.”

“I mean here, with me. Why me?”

“There’s just something about you, Merlin. I can’t quite put my finger on it.”

The answer seems to catch Merlin off guard and rob him of anything to say. He licks his lips and Arthur’s gaze follows the movement.

“Screw it,” Merlin mutters and before Arthur can ask what’s he talking about, there are bony knees digging into his thighs as Merlin climbs on top of him, trying to squeeze his legs into the gaps between Arthur and the armrests, and warm lips are pressing against his own, Merlin’s hand gently coaxing Arthur to lift his chin to better fit their lips together. 

Arthur’s eyes slide closed and he sinks into the sensation, not thinking, just reacting, opening his mouth and letting Merlin deepen the kiss. Arthur gently grips Merlin’s sides, drawing him closer, a quiet moan escaping him when Merlin buries his hands in Arthur’s hair. 

The first desperate need ebbs away, Arthur holds Merlin close, their lips barely moving. His mind begins to clear and he tenses, pushing Merlin from him to create some distance. 

“We can’t,” Arthur whispers.

“I read the signs wrong, didn’t I? Wishful thinking…” He climbs off Arthur’s lap and turns away. “You’re not even gay.”

“It’s not that.”

“Don’t you dare start with the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech.”

Arthur stands up and steps around Merlin who won’t look at him.

“I’m gay. And you didn’t read the signs wrong. But you’ve been here for a very long time and I’m the one who brought you the good news and took the bindings off. For all I know it could be just some sort of psychological reaction.”

“Are you saying I don’t know what I want?”

“No, I just think you should…”

“So, now you’re telling me how to live? You’re just like Uther after all!” Merlin yells.

“I didn’t…”

“Because of course I’d climb you like a tree just because you’re my knight in shining armour. It can’t be because I genuinely like you. No, I’m just a poor messed up psych patient who has no idea what he wants and needs to be told what to do.” Tears of frustration are slipping down Merlin’s cheeks. “I’m tired of it all,” he shouts.

The window swings open, breaking with the force of it. The wind sweeps in, ruffling Merlin’s hair, but Merlin doesn’t seem to realize what he’s doing. 

“For a moment I believed things might change now, but I’m just a fool. Nothing ever changes!” The wind dies down, the gold in Merlin’s eyes melts away and all the fight leaves Merlin’s body, his shoulders sagging, hands uncurling from fists, only tears continue their slow flow. “I don’t deserve to be happy.”

From cheerful and confident to broken and hurting in a few short minutes. Arthur knows the sudden moodswings and how hard the drop can be. He knows how hard it is to deal with it alone. He made a mistake of getting involved in Merlin’s life and now Merlin is paying for it because Arthur wanted to choose the coward’s way out. He wanted to run from his feelings in fear of Merlin rejecting him later when he’d realize Arthur isn’t worth his attention. 

He crosses the few feet that are dividing them and envelopes Merlin in a hug. Merlin just stands there, tiny tremors running through his body. Only after Arthur guides his head to rest on his shoulder, the dam breaks and Merlin starts sobbing quietly. 

“It’s okay. Let it all out,” Arthur murmurs, caressing his back in what he hopes is a soothing manner. 

Merlin’s breathing evens out, but he makes no effort to pull away. The gust of wind blows through the open window, this time completely natural, causing Merlin to shiver in Arthur’s arms. He tries to turn them around to shield Merlin from the cold at least a little bit, only Merlin misinterprets his movement and his previously lax arms latch themselves around Arthur’s waist.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I messed up, but please, don’t go,” Merlin pleads.

“I’m not. I was just trying to keep you a bit warmer.”

“I’m fine.”

“Okay.” It’s not time for arguing. “But I’ll need to call someone to fix the window.”

“It’s my mess.” 

Merlin turns his head to the side, resting his cheek on Arthur’s shoulder and outstretches his arm towards the broken window. He whispers some foreign sounding word and the shards lift off the ground, filling the frame. When it’s almost complete, Merlin’s hand wavers and the glass falls down again. 

“Fuck, I’m so useless.” 

His grip on Arthur’s waist tightens and he repeats the incantation, his voice dropping lower. Murmured like this into Arthur’s ear, Merlin’s breath ghosting over his skin, the spell sounds so incredibly sexual, Arthur’s almost dizzy with want, unconsciously digging his fingers into Merlin’s sides. 

The shards fly up much faster this time, assembling in their proper places before they melt back into a glass-pane. With a wave of his hand the window clicks shut. It’s like it was never broken.

 

~x~

 

After Merlin almost goes into a panic attack when Arthur tries to separate from him again, it doesn’t take long for Arthur to maneuver them onto the bed, Arthur sitting with his back to the headboard and Merlin in the vee of Arthur’s legs. They don’t talk much, except for voicing occasional random thoughts. One of Merlin’s hands is resting on Arthur’s knee, his fingers caressing it absentmindedly. Arthur never ceases his petting of Merlin’s belly, pressing a kiss to his brow from time to time. 

He gave up the idea of pushing Merlin away. He’s not going to worry about future. Instead he’s going to enjoy every second of being with Merlin. Maybe their relationship won’t work after Merlin returns back into the world outside, maybe they’ll find out that they’ll work better as friends, but they could also be great and grow old together. He won’t know if he doesn’t give it a chance.

Merlin tenses, pulling Arthur from his own musings. 

“What’s wrong?” Arthur asks, stopping his petting. 

“Sorry. It’s been a while,” Merlin says, eyes averted, pulling at the hem of his shirt in a futile attempt to conceal his erection. 

Arthur’s been half hard since the moment Merlin relaxed into his arms and this isn’t helping his condition in any way. 

“Nothing to apologize for. If it makes you feel better, my jeans are feeling tighter than usual.”

“Oh,” Merlin breathes out, glancing up at Arthur, heat in his gaze. “They were rather tight to begin with.” Coy smile is playing on his lips.

“Were they now?”

“I can’t help it. You have a very sexy bottom, Mr. Pendragon.”

“Is it a compliment or a very confident way of offering?”

“Maybe both,” Merlin whispers, his cheeks flushing a darker red.

Arthur closes his eyes, willing himself to tamp down the urge to rip Merlin’s clothes off and fuck him hard until he spends all over his own stomach. It’s not how he wants to go about this relationship, no matter his dick’s wishes.

“Not here. I’d like to take things slow,” Arthur says, caressing Merlin’s forearm.

“Okay,” Merlin says, averting his eyes. 

He pulls away from Arthur and hunches forward, propping his elbows on his thighs and holding his chin in his palms. It’s clearly a defensive position. Arthur can only guess what’s going on inside Merlin’s head, but he’d bet there are self-deprecating thoughts involved. Fighting them can be harder than any other task, because you’re fighting with yourself. You know all your weak spots and keep jabbing into them. Kicking and screaming, you want to change, but you feel like there’s no way, like things will never be different. You feel powerless, lost, good for nothing. Sometimes it takes all your willpower to just stay alive, keep breathing, surviving day after day with your inner struggles. And nobody can really help, because it’s you who has to do all the hard work and win the war, or at least reach a truce for a while. Still, it’s easier when there’s someone to lean on, talk to or just be with. 

“What do you want from this… thing we share?”

Arthur’s not sure if he can call it a relationship yet.

“I don’t know.”

“Is it really okay for us to take things slow? We’re in this together. Your opinion matters.”

“I want to live in the moment, could we do that?” Merlin asks, turning to kneel in between Arthur’s legs. “The moments could take a while, so technically they’d be slow.”

“What about this particular moment?”

“Do you prefer to be a big spoon or a little spoon?”

 

~x~

 

“I was a bit worried our first official date would happen in some extremely expensive restaurant with strict dress code and menu in French.”

“I’m not a romance novel stereotype, you know?” 

Arthur offers Merlin the huge cone of popcorn, smiling fondly when Merlin grabs a fistful of it and stuffs half of it in his mouth.

“I’m sure there’s a ‘takes you for your first official date to ZOO’ stereotype,” he mumbles in between chews. 

“I’m going to show you a really big python.”

It takes a lot of effort to keep his expression neutral, but it’s completely worth it when Merlin chokes on a piece of popcorn, coughing for a few seconds, and then erupting into laughter, his cheeks turning pink from it all. Arthur grins at Merlin, who dissolves into another fit of giggles.

 

~x~

 

“How’s the therapy going?” Arthur asks when they’re watching a group of Cape ground squirrels running around their exhibit. 

“Okay, I guess.”

“That’s good.”

Merlin sits down on the nearby bench, waiting for Arthur to join him before he speaks again.

“We’re working on managing my emotions. I broke a glass in one of our sessions. Three times.”

Arthur takes his hand and entwines their fingers. 

“Look at the bright side. At least you can repair it.”

Merlin smiles and drops his head on Arthur’s shoulder.

“Did you mean it that there would still be a job opening for me?”

“The offer still stands.”

“Isn’t there some rule against office romances?”

“There never was.”

“I shouldn’t take it. People will say I slept my way to the job.”

“You would be just coming back to your old position. And I asked around, I know you’re good at your job. If people start talking, it’s just because they’re jealous.”

“I’ll think about it.”

 

~x~

 

Arthur’s working his way through a pile of paperwork his assistant brought him when his phone rings, repeating ‘he looks like a magician’ in the loop. It brings a smile to his lip, together with the memory of Merlin’s careless laughter from when they watched the episode of IT Crowd that the quote comes from.

“Hi,” he answers the phone.

“Hey there, I’m not interrupting, am I?”

“Not at all. I needed a break anyway.”

“It’s just that Freya thinks I’m ready to be discharged and I couldn’t wait to tell you.”

Merlin’s voice is full of excitement and Arthur can picture him brimming with energy, unable to sit still, smiling like an idiot. He wishes he could be there and see it instead of imagining. 

“That’s great news.”

He doesn’t know what else to say, happiness he feels for Merlin mixing with anxiety, because Merlin might leave him once he settles back into the routine of the life outside of the facility, starts meeting people and realizes Arthur is really nothing more than a prat.

“I’m going to stay with Mum for a while. I promised her when she visited.”

“I could help you moving out if you need.”

“That’s okay, I don’t really have much stuff in here anyway.”

“Okay…”

“We’re still on for our date on Saturday, right?” There’s a hint of uncertainty in Merlin’s voice. It settles Arthur’s nerves a bit, reminding him that the situation is difficult for both of them.

“Of course we are. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

 

~x~

 

“I wanted to ask you something?”

“Uh-uh?” Arthur replies absentmindedly, distracted by the way Merlin is licking his icecream. 

“I was wondering if you’d like to visit while I’m at my Mum’s.” He’s not looking at Arthur when he asks, seemingly entranced by a drop of melted icecream slowly making its way down the cone.

Arthur’s speechless for a while.

“You mean you want to introduce me to your mother as…”

“As my boyfriend,” Merlin finishes for him.

“Are you sure?”

“About what exactly?” Merlin asks, still not meeting Arthur’s eyes.

“About introducing me. It’s still very fresh and maybe it won’t work out.”

“If you don’t want to meet her, you could just say so.”

“That’s not it. I wouldn’t want her to be disappointed when you realize I’m not good for you.”

“What?” 

“You said it yourself. I’m one of the Britain’s most eligible bachelors and you’ve been fantasizing about me for quite some time. Maybe I’m just your crush and you’ll find someone who you’ll be happier with once you can socialize freely again.”

“How can you say something like that?” Merlin asks, pain seeping through his words. Arthur wants to erase the hurt look from Merlin’s face. “Maybe it’s you who wants some excuse to run from the commitment.” He stands up and paces a few feet away from the picnic table, Arthur hurries to stand up and follow, stopping when Merlin turns back around. “I love you, you stupid prat. Not because you’re some boy from a magazine cover, but because I got to know you. I don’t know how to prove it to you.” 

He gesticulates with his hands to prove his point, forgetting about the icecream he’s been holding, sending it flying. It lands on the ground right next to Arthur’s feet. They both stare at it, shocked into silence.

“How about we start over?” Arthur says carefully.

“I bloody don’t want to start over!” Merlin yells this time.

“No, no, that’s not what I meant,” Arthur says, taking a few tentative steps towards Merlin. “I meant I’d buy you another icecream and you’d ask me again and I’d tell you I’d love to meet your mother.”

“I don’t really want another icecream.”

“I’m an idiot and I’m pretty much useless when it comes to relationships, so tell me, what do you want?” Arthur asks, moving into Merlin’s space.

“You promised to show me your flat,” Merlin says, not stopping Arthur from settling his hands on Merlin’s waist and moving them further back till his palms rest on the small of Merlin’s back.

“I did,” Arthur says and leans in to press a kiss to Merlin’s cheek. 

“Show me your flat then,” Merlin says, his expression turning wicked. “I might have an idea what I’d like to taste next.”

 

~x~

 

The tour of his flat ends about thirty seconds in when Merlin shoves Arthur down into his armchair, spreads Arthur’s thighs and falls to his knees in between them. His magic pins Arthur’s hands to the armrests when he tries to be helpful by opening his own fly. Instead he can only watch as Merlin works his buckle open and tugs the zipper down. Arthur squirms in his seat when Merlin traces the outline of his rapidly growing erection. 

“I can’t believe one of my fantasies is actually happening,” Merlin says, running his hands over Arthur’s thighs, smiling when Arthur’s hips hitch up. “Not so fast, I want to savour this.”

“You’re a terrible tease,” Arthur says, letting his head fall on the headrest when Merlin finally frees his cock from the confines of his briefs. “Reality is so much better than the fantasy,” Merlin hums and licks a long stripe from the base of Arthur’s cock to its tip. Arthur swears.

“Tell me, would you like me to do all the work or would you like to fuck my mouth?”

“Geez, Merlin, just do something, anything!”

“Maybe I could lick you like that icecream,” Merlin says with a dirty smile. “It’s important to hold the cone steady.” He wraps his fingers around the lower half of Arthur’s shaft. “Then I could try the taste.” He licks the head. “Oh, I need more.” He engulfs the tip in his mouth, sliding down slowly, flattening his tongue over the sensitive underside. 

“Oh my god,” Arthur breathes out, digging his fingers into the armrests. 

Merlin pulls off with a loud pop. 

“There might be a different flavour inside. If I suck hard enough…”

He wraps his lips around Arthur’s cock once more and starts moving up and down, twirling his tongue around Arthur’s length, holding Arthur’s hips down to stop him from bucking up. 

“Let me… I want to touch you,” Arthur manages in between moans.

He’s rewarded with freedom of movement not a second later, immediately guiding his hands to settle in Merlin’s hair and on his neck. He continues down under the tight t-shirt Merlin is wearing, tracing the knobs of his spine, up and down as far as he can reach. 

Merlin strokes the lower half of Arthur’s cock in time with his mouth’s movements, pushing Arthur even closer towards his orgasm. Arthur bites his lip, his abdominal muscles tensing. Merlin looks up at him and Arthur’s done.

“I’m gonna…” he starts, but Merlin’s already pulling off, speeding up his hand’s movements. 

Arthur comes with a gasp, watching his seed land on Merlin’s cheek, paint his lips and dribble down his chin. His hips stutter up when he watches Merlin lick his lips clean and he lets his head drop on the headrest when Merlin wraps them around the head of his cock once more. It’s almost too much but it’s worth it for the filthy moan that escapes Merlin’s lips.

“Next time,” Merlin says, licking one more stripe up Arthur’s cock, “I’m going to feed you only fruit for a day.” He climbs onto Arthur’s lap and goes for a filthy, come-flavoured, absolutely brilliant kiss. “They say it tastes even better afterwards,” he whispers into Arthur’s ear, panting hotly against his neck as he rubs his still clothed erection against Arthur’s stomach.

“Don’t pretend you didn’t like the taste,” Arthur says, deciding it’s time to take charge. 

He tackles Merlin to the soft carpet on the floor, careful to not actually hurt him, and forces his way through all the offending buttons and zips and layers of clothes that are keeping him from getting his hands on his treasure. Merlin’s laughing giddily, helping Arthur to push his jeans and briefs halfway off before tugging him for just another messy kiss. 

Arthur wraps his hand around Merlin’s cock and can’t help the feeling of smug satisfaction when Merlin’s arms tighten around him, his fingers digging into Arthur’s back. Arthur noses along his jaw, trails his lips down the side of his neck, bites gently on his earlobe. Merlin’s breathing is turning erratic and he’s meeting Arthur’s movements with sharp rolls of his hips. 

“Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop,” Merlin is chanting, his eyes tightly shut.

“Look at me,” Arthur commands and slows down. 

Merlin lets out a small frustrated whine and speeds up his hips movements.

“Nah, that’s not what I said,” Arthur says, sitting on Merlin’s thighs and jerking Merlin off at a snail’s pace. “Look at me!”

Merlin does, his eyes unfocused with pleasure.

“This is not a fantasy. It’s as real as it gets. And I want you to look at me when you come. Is that understood?”

“Yes, god, yes,” Merlin moans.

Arthur starts jerking him off once again, quick and hard. He leans down for a few sloppy kisses, whispering a few more dirty encouragements into Merlin’s ear. He can feel it when Merlin’s about to come. Pulling away from sucking a bruise onto his neck, he holds Merlin’s gaze, waiting for the inevitable. Merlin stops breathing when he comes, his eyes falling shut automatically as he shivers through the aftershocks, his breath returning to him in harsh pants. 

Arthur caresses his sides, waiting for him to get his higher brain functions back. He leans down and shares a sweet, lazy kiss with him when Merlin finally opens his eyes again, still blissed-out but conscious. 

“You closed your eyes. I think a punishment might be necessary.”

“I’m too boneless for punishment.” 

“I’m sure I can think of something.”

“Later,” Merlin whispers with a wicked smile.

Arthur checks the time.

“I’m afraid we’ll have to postpone. It’s getting late and I need to bring you back to the sanatorium.”

Merlin’s smile turns soft.

“I might have told them I wouldn’t be back till tomorrow evening.” He’s suddenly very interested in Arthur’s shirt. “If you want me to stay.”

“It’s time to order some takeaway because you’ll definitely need the strength for tonight,” Arthur says and kisses the tip of Merlin’s nose.

 

~x~

 

Arthur takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm the wild beating of his heart. There’s no reason to be nervous. It’s no big deal. Merlin’s mother is, no doubt, a very nice lady who will welcome him with open arms just like Merlin told him. 

“Okay,” he mutters to himself and rings the bell.

Several seconds later, the door opens to reveal Merlin, shining with happiness.

“Hi,” he says and pulls Arthur inside, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips.

“Hi,” Arthur says in return. “I brought flowers for your Mum.”

“No flowers for me?” Merlin asks with a pout.

“I didn’t think…” Arthur starts, his pulse skyrocketing. 

“Just kidding,” Merlin says with a laugh. “Come on, I’ll introduce you. And stop looking so terrified. It’s just my Mum.”

“Exactly.”

“Seriously? You can take managers, business partners, media and all that stuff, but it’s meeting my mother that makes you lose your nerve?”

Arthur can feel blood rushing to his cheeks.

“Shut up, Merlin,” he says, but it misses any heat.

“It will be fine,” Merlin says, his tone soft, squeezing Arthur’s hand.

Arthur nods and lets himself be led further inside the house.

 

~x~

 

“I told you Mum would adore you,” Merlin says, pulling Arthur through the door to his bedroom. “But she didn’t have to show you all those photos. I thought parents only do that in cheesy romantic comedies.”

“They were cute, especially the one with four years old you sleeping in a huge bucket. How you even managed to fall asleep like that is a big mystery.”

“Should have let you spend your weekend all alone, you traitor,” Merlin says, pouting, but invades Arthur’s space nonetheless, winding his arms around his waist. “We have a nice guest room, but I’d rather like you to stay with me.”

“I’m not sure your bed is big enough for two grown men.”

“I could lie on top of you. You’re comfy.”

“Uhuh.”

“I could do more than lying,” Merlin continues, sliding his hands lower, dipping his fingers under the waistband of Arthur’s trousers.

“You want to have sex. With your Mum downstairs.”

“Don’t talk about my Mum when I’m trying to seduce you into bed, thank you.”

“You call this seducing?”

“Judging by your dilated pupils, elevated pulse and slightly faster breathing, I think it’s working.”

“You’ve been watching Sherlock, haven’t you?”

“Don’t avoid the topic,” Merlin says, grinding his erection against Arthur’s rapidly growing one. “I jerked off on that bed many, many times, thinking about having someone here. It’s where I fingered myself for the first time and realized carrots were also good for other things than eating.”

“God, Merlin,” Arthur moans and starts steering him towards the bed, but before he can send Merlin sprawling all over the mattress, Merlin suddenly turns them around and tumbles Arthur who yelps loudly in surprise onto the bed. Blood is rushing to his cheeks when he thinks about Merlin’s mother hearing it.

“Relax, the room is soundproof,” Merlin says, as if reading his mind, “has been for years. And yes, I double-checked today.”

Merlin shucks off his clothes, but glares at Arthur when he tries to do the same. Arthur drops back into lying position, arms under his head to prop it up a bit for better view.

“I’m starting to see a patern here. Who’d say you’d be so bossy in bed.”

“I didn’t hear you complaining the last… any time.”

Stark naked, he climbs on top of Arthur and works the buttons of his shirt open. Pulling him up, he initiates a kiss, teasing Arthur with small flicks of his tongue, retreating every time Arthur is starting to get into it. He slides the shirt off Arthur’s shoulders in the meantime and pulls Arthur’s undershirt over his head in the short pause between kisses.

Merlin is rolling his hips against Arthur’s trapped erection, driving him positively mad, but before he can urge him to hurry, he’s already lying flat on his back again with Merlin swiftly divesting him of the rest of his clothes. Arthur dares not to move. Last time he interrupted Merlin’s proceedings, Merlin kept edging him for three hours straight. He’d never admit it out loud, but tonight he’d probably pass out from exhaustion and overstimulation before he’d be allowed to come. 

“Tired?” Merlin asks, kneeling over Arthur’s thighs and gently massaging his lower belly, moving up towards his pectorals and down again to continue his massage. 

“It’s been quite a day,” Arthur says, stroking Merlin’s thighs, smiling at the wonderful man in front of him. He’s probably looking like a love-struck teenager right now, but he doesn’t really care.

“Let me do all the work, then,” Merlin says, grips Arthur’s cock, making him buck up on instinct, and pumps it a few times. “Don’t get used to it, though,” he adds with a wicked smile and assumes the right position to guide Arthur’s cock inside his body.

“Shouldn’t you..?” Arthur starts asking, but his breath leaves him as his cock is being enveloped in a tight heat.

Merlin hums, rocking his hips almost imperceptibly. 

“I like my toys, but you’ll always be better than any toy in the world.”

He bends down to join their lips together, taking his time. Arthur pets his back, drags his nails across it, smiling into the kiss when Merlin rocks harder against his cock. Wrapping his hand around Merlin’s shaft, he starts stroking him. Merlin bites his lip, not enough to hurt, but enough for Arthur to know that Merlin isn’t ready to relinquish the lead. 

From then on it’s a mad race towards completion. Merlin is panting above him, doing all the work just as he promised. Sometimes when the angle is particularly precise, Merlin’s moans grow louder, his limbs almost failing him as pleasure courses through his veins. In those moments, it’s Arthur’s job to steady him and lend him some of his strength, help lift his hips up and slam him back on Arthur’s cock. 

“I’m close, I’m close,” Merlin nearly shouts, trembling from all the effort, losing his rhythm as he tries to get more friction, to set off the firework of pleasure he knows is almost in his reach. 

Arthur gives just a few pulls at his cock and it’s the last bit he needs. He comes all over Arthur’s stomach, moaning, almost sobbing with the force of his orgasm. Before he can collapse on top of him, Arthur rolls them over and resumes driving his cock into Merlin’s channel, occasional spasm of aftershocks making him stutter in his fast rhythm. Merlin’s eyes are shut tight, his mouth open. He’s gripping Arthur’s arm tight, his whole body fidgeting. A few more seconds and the overstimulation will be too much. 

“Stop, stop,” Merlin moans, his whole body tense, still unable to open his eyes, at exactly the same time Arthur finally tumbles over the edge, filling Merlin with his cum. “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” he mumbles, unable to stop his hips from pushing in and out a few more times, riding out the waves of ecstasy. 

“Fuck,” Merlin moans, his fingers shaking when he buries them in Arthur’s hair, pulling him to his chest.

They stay entwined like that for a few minutes, their breathing calming down, tremors subsiding.

“That was…” Merlin starts.

“Yeah…”

“I don’t think I want to move ever again.”

“I should pull out before I get hard again,” Arthur mumbles into Merlin’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” Merlin agrees, moaning quietly when Arthur’s cock leaves his body. 

Arthur’s about to stumble out of bed in search of a wet flannel, but Merlin stops him, drawing him back to his chest. He whispers a few words and a drawer on the other side of the room slides open, a package of wet tissues landing in Merlin’s outstretched palm. Arthur snatches it from him and cleans the mess off his own chest and cock before turning around to Merlin whose eyes are barely open, breathing pattern changing into one of sleep.

“Lazy sod,” Arthur grumbles, but wipes the sweat off Merlin’s face and neck, continuing down his torso and uses a fresh tissue to clean Merlin’s most private areas. He tosses the scrunched up wipes on the floor and shifts Merlin closer to the wall to get some more space for himself. The blanket is folded on the chair next to the bed, another proof that Merlin planned the whole thing. Thankfully it’s reachable without Arthur having to get out of the bed, so he simply drags it towards him and spreads it over them both.

Merlin is already asleep when he curls around him, but he relaxes even further into Arthur’s embrace. Half-asleep himself, Arthur presses a kiss to Merlin’s temple, whispering “love you” without thinking. 

Only when he closes his eyes and starts drifting off, he realizes the truth behind those two words.

 

~x~

 

“I was thinking about getting a job somewhere in the city.”

“Anywhere I know?” Arthur asks.

It’s been almost two months since Merlin moved out of the sanatorium and over three weeks since he’s started living in a small flat just a few stops away from Arthur’s own apartment building. 

“I realized I quite liked my job and it’d be pretty stupid to toss it away when the position is still open,” he says, turns off the stove, leans into Arthur’s embrace and offers him a spoon of the finished sauce to taste. “Just answer me one question. Did others get the same offer?”

“Of course they did. You’re just the only one who heard it straight from the CEO.”

“I don’t think there’s anything straight about our relationship.”

Arthur smiles and hugs Merlin a little tighter.

“Does this mean I should tell Leon to get a new employment contract ready for you to sign?”

“That’s exactly what it means.”

 

~x~

 

It’s really hard to concentrate on whatever the man in front of him is saying when he knows Merlin is somewhere around in that sinfully fitting suit. They’ve been together for ten month and this is the first official event where they went together as a couple. Arthur offered every time he got an invitation to some gala or charity auction or anything that included a plus one, but Merlin kept declining, so it was a complete surprise when he accepted his invitation to the annual charity event for Ygraine’s fund for children without home. 

Merlin’s been anxious the whole day and Arthur didn’t have much time to ease his worries as he needed to make dozens of miniscule decisions about the organization of the evening and spent quite some time going over his speech.

The official part of the evening is thankfully over and everything went without a single hitch. It’s time to mingle with the crowd and play a pleasant host. 

Of course, that’s when he hears the commotion from the other side of the hall. 

Arthur delivers some neutral answer to the awfully boring man he’s been listening to for the past ten minutes and excuses himself with a polite smile, heading in the direction of what sounds to be a heated argument.

He arrives just in time to see Merlin fleeing towards the men’s room, Vivian Woods and Sophia Lake looking too smug for Arthur’s liking. 

His father used to push him into spending time with Sophia, before he found out she had connections to one of the oldest families of powerful magic users. Vivian he never met outside of charity events before, but not for the lack of her trying. She’d like to use him to upgrade her status, nothing more. 

He doesn’t give them time to approach him, quickly following his boyfriend into the bathroom. He finds Merlin leaning over the basin, his hands gripping its sides harshly, head hanging low. Arthur closes the door, locking it with a quiet click, and calls Merlin’s name. Merlin’s grip on the basin even tightens. 

“Whatever they said, just ignore it,” Arthur says, moving towards him.

“No, stay there,” Merlin grits out, outstretching his hand towards Arthur and snatching it back as if burnt not a second later. 

Arthur stops, waiting. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

Merlin shakes his head, letting out a long shuddering breath. 

“Merllin, talk to me!”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Merlin says, looking up into the mirror.

His irises are tinged with gold. He’s clearly struggling to contain an outburst of magic. 

“I know you won’t,” Arthur says and takes the few last steps dividing him from Merlin. “I trust you.”

He embraces Merlin from behind, winds his left arm around his waist, the other hand covering Merlin’s own, petting it to ease its white-knuckled grip on the porcelain. Their eyes meet, even if only in the reflection, Merlin’s are back to their usual blue.

“Maybe they’re right about us being a threat,” Merlin says, dropping his gaze. 

“Everyone has a potential to be a threat.”

“I’ve made quite a scene, haven’t I?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“She offered to give me 10 000£ if I break up with you. When I told her to shove the money up her arse, she raised to 20 000£. I yelled at her. I’m not even sure what, but it was something nasty. And then she told me to stop pretending I was something more than a boy toy to you and that you’d get tired of me soon. I couldn’t…” He swallows hard. “She hit my weak spot.”

“She’s a bitch,” Arthur says. “Money and fame is all she wants from life.”

The door rattles as someone is trying to get inside. Merlin’s shoulders tense. 

“We could just leave,” Arthur offers.

Merlin shakes his head.

“I know how much this fundraiser means to you.”

Arthur takes a step back and pulls Merlin along, turning him around. He kisses him and wipes a stray tear off his face. 

“Let’s give them something else to talk about, shall we?”

 

~x~

 

It’s no surprise when the news of Merlin arguing with Vivian hit the tabloids the next morning. Only for once they get the story right and make Vivian look like an utter fool. While there are only two photos of the argument, there are five of Arthur and Merlin together. 

Arthur smiles as he looks them over, remembering each one of the situations. Arthur feeding Merlin a canape (because Merlin is too skinny and needs to eat more). Merlin talking to Leon with Arthur embracing him from behind (they were discussing some new technology for smartphones and Arthur was bored). Merlin’s hands behind Arthur’s neck, Arthur’s on the small of Merlin’s back, their eyes closed as they kiss, swaying to a slow rhythm of a love song (after he asked Merlin to move in with him and Merlin accepted). Merlin’s private smile as Arthur whispers into his ear (promising him a long hot bath after they get home). Leaning against the railing of the stairs with Merlin wrapped around him, half-asleep (mumbling something about unicorns and dragons talking in riddles). 

Merlin is in the bedroom, talking to his mother over Skype. About half an hour ago, Merlin dragged him in because Hunith wanted to thank him for taking care of her son so well. Merlin went bright red when she started gushing about the adorableness of their photos and promptly shooed Arthur out of the room again. 

He can hear the faint sound of Merlin’s laughter through the door, remembers every time he woke up next to Merlin’s sleep-warm body, all the shared moments of happiness, and knows for sure that this is what he really wants, hopefully for the rest of his life.

 

~x~

 

Epilogue – two years later

 

“We should come here more often. I haven’t had a burger this good in ages,” Arthur says, taking a swig of his beer. 

Merlin nods, his mind somewhere else entirely. 

“Everything okay?” Arthur asks, setting the glass down.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Merlin assures him with a warm smile. “I was just thinking.”

“Should I be worried?” Arthur asks playfully.

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately,” Merlin says, not reacting to Arthur’s joking. “I realized I need to stop worrying all the time. I worried I’d lose control of my magic, I worried about being seen with you in public, I worried my coworkers would start hating me. And most importantly, I worried our relationship would fail, that you’d realize I’m not what you want.”

“You know I…”

“Let me finish, please.”

“Okay,” Arthur says, his heartbeat quickening, Merlin’s behaviour setting him on edge.

“Long story short, I realized you’ve never seen me as your boy toy, I love you and I’d like to marry you. Will you marry me?”

Arthur stands up and rounds the table, tilting Merlin’s head up and swooping in for a kiss, Merlin’s trembling fingers latching onto his shirt and pulling him closer.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Merlin whispers against his lips. “Sorry about not getting you a ring.”

Arthur laughs, thinking about the two platinum bands he’s been keeping hidden in his office.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this for more than half a year, fighting my writer's block and pouring part of my soul into the story. Especially Arthur's thoughts about depression come from my own experience and my view of the matter.


End file.
